This week was absolute shit and I am so glad it's over. From all the purging I did, my tongue is raw and my throat is killing me. I don't ever want to have a repeat of this week...EVER! The only good thing about this week was that I lost :) Tomorrow is the start to a new week and it is going to be amazing! I'm going to buy myself a longboard tomorrow so I will actually have something to do when I get off work during the week, rather than sitting on my bum all day. I will actually be able to enjoy the beautiful weather we've been having, and it will help my carving for when snowboard season gets in.
My intake today was somewhat ok-
1/2 cup of Chobani Non-fat Plain Yogurt 72 calories
Protein Shake with Unsweetened Vanilla Almond Milk and Peanut Butter 450 calories
Total Intake: 522 calories
My best friend wanted me to come kick it poolside with her today, but I told her I'm not exactly pool material. She called me retarded, which really pissed me off and I haven't talked to her all day. Maybe I'm overreacting and being a bit irrational. I don't know. But what I do know is she knows about my insecurities and past (she doesn't know about my present) problems, so why would she force it and then call me retarded? I just wanted to tell her to fuck off and go blow something. But I didn't :) I'll pat myself on the back for pure restraint. I mean how is someone who isn't even the least bit confident in their best looking jeans, supposed to feel comfortable and relaxed in a swimsuit? I am not that friend that is always down for a day spent wearing a bikini in front of the whole world. If she wants that friend, she can look elsewhere.
I just wish that I had a best friend that I could talk to about all this. Blogging and writing in my journal helps, but they are means that don't provide the support I'm looking for.
That therapist my mom keeps suggesting is just sounding better and better. All I want is someone to listen to what I'm feeling and respond. I don't want to be fixed, just heard. Is that too much to ask for?
honey if you EVER want anyone to speak to, im here. lindsay.may94@gmail.com, i will always reply. thankyou so much for commenting on my posts of recent, you made me smile :) xx
ReplyDeletedittos
ReplyDelete<3 good luck hunny we're here 4 u
I know how it feels, sometimes I just want someone to listen to everything I have to say. They don't have to do anything about it, they just have to listen.
ReplyDeleteTherapy might help if you just want someone to talk too.
I hope you feel better soon, sending you love.
xx
I hate when friends should understand, but don't. And then you have no one to talk to because that friend isn't there. I hope you get to feeling better. Hopefully this week will go better for you too. Therapy might help. You could always try a session or two and see how it goes and stop if you don't like it/the therapist.
ReplyDeleteI understand the debate of whether or not to go to a therapist, as well as the frustration of when a friend isn't being a friend.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Kes and Christina, even if I don't know them. Give therapy a shot, and see if it works. If it doesn't, at least you did what I can't do and tried.
I hope everything works out for you :)
Love from a stranger
I actually really want a therapist, but I'm moving in two weeks. I think if your having the urge to talk to a therapist, then do it. There's nothing wrong with it, and if anyone on blogger judges you for it, they're not a real part of this community. We love and support you, no matter what.
ReplyDeleteAs for the friend thing, even though she may know about the food issues, she still doesn't fully get that this is in our heads 24/7. I actually convinced my best friend to go to the river with me so that I could be in a swimsuit and not be seen :) Now I actually feel comfortable in my bikini in public. It's the little baby steps that are important. much love and thanks for the birthday wish :D