What's A Girl to Do?

Yesterday was absolute shit. I promised myself that I wouldn't ever purge again and sure enough I did it twice yesterday. I felt so horrible, yet so relieved after it was done. I know how terrible it is for my body and today the glands in my throat are so swollen it's hard to swallow and my chest hurts. Blah. At the same time it felt so nice to just physically empty my stomach on my terms and feel instant gratification. This has to be the last time! I have had absolutely zero motivation to go to the gym FML. I've just been sitting in the bottom of this deep black hole and my life is in a downward spiral and I don't know when I will reach the bottom. UGH!! On a positive note I've lost 3 pounds (not that it's good enough). I need to get my life back on track; I keep asking myself, like a track on repeat, what the fuck happened that I'd end up here?! This weekend is hardcore gym time. Sweat off some fat and woes.