Realizations

Today was actually a decent day. I was stuck at the gym for literally 3 hours sweating my ass off. I did the elliptical for an hour, followed by 45 minutes of weights, and then an hour cycling. I felt sick to my stomach when I was finished, but it was so worth it. For once in my life I'm trying to set a reasonable goal for myself, rather than taking this at a sprint and then burning out. My birthday is May 7 and I'm setting that as my goal date to have this bullshit done and over with so I can finally begin my life!

On a different note, let's discuss the bullshit of having friends. Ok so friends are supposed to be this amazing support system that you can go and talk to about anything and everything in total confidence...what a crock of bull! So all of my friends know about my past with bulimia and they know that I'm trying to get "healthy" and skinny; does that stop them from inviting me out to eat all the time? Or constantly hounding me to go out drinking? No & No. Like seriously? Get real. I'm just so frustrated with all my friendships right now, especially when I am nothing but supportive whenever they need me. Oh! And my mom is absolutely ridic (ridiculous in case you didn't know lol). She recently told me how proud she is that whenever I've dieted or whatever it was at the time, that I've always done it healthily. And she knows about my past...like does she not believe me? Ugh. I just can't win!! I just want so badly to prove everybody wrong so I can laugh in their faces and say, "Haha Assholes! Look at me now!!"

Tomorrow is a different day fighting the same battle.