I'm so ashamed in regards to the past few days. I've been on hiatus and I completely slipped up. On Sunday, I did the Race for the Cure, which is a 5K, and after that I completely lost my damn mind.
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me?! Maybe it was the fact that I wanted a break? Or maybe I just got tired of caring? Or maybe for one grotesque moment I thought I was one of those skinny girls with the metabolism of God and I could eat whatever the hell I wanted to?
What the hell was I thinking?
Ever since then, I've been so depressed and I feel hopeless. I can't do this. I look at the word can't and just feel defeated. My mind is screaming at me, taunting me, telling me to quit. I'll be fat forever. JUST ACCEPT IT! And I want to believe that voice so bad, to just give in. But then there is another voice saying, "Hey fatass! Are you going to sit there and sulk in your own pity just because you slipped up? GET OVER YOURSELF LOSER! If you want to remain a tub of lard go ahead and quit, QUITTER! Eat those cupcakes, stuff your face with greasy fries, chug those shakes straight to your fat stomach. Or you can quit being a little bitch and work harder. You can restrict more, sweat more, and stop feeling sorry for yourself." I choose to listen to this voice. Tomorrow is another day, a better day.
No more slip ups. I will have a stomach like this.
Tomorrow will be better because you will it to be so :) <3
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