Sometimes I actually wish that something bad would happen to me so that I could actually be justifiably unhappy. Talk about morbid.
My existence is just so frustratingly normal! I just want to scream!! Everyone tells me how good I have it and how blessed I am. If only they knew about the demons that haunt me. I just don't want to do this anymore. I don't belong here. I had everything, EVERYTHING, planned for me in high school and, now? nothing.
The only thing I have control over in my life right now is my eating, and I'm doing a pretty bang up job of that. I was hitting the gym 5 days of the week for a minimum of and hour and a half. It has now been almost a week since I've last been to the gym. Congratu-fucking-lations. I just want summer to come and go already. I don't have to prove myself to anyone, I'll just remain fat and slobbish forever. Let's face it, that's the most I have going for me at the moment. Sadly.
This week just absolutely blows...
I did, however, find a song that really hit me hard I want to
share it for all my readers.
Beautiful Girl-William Fitzsimmons
Unfurl Your Gown
A Distant Fuller Skin
I Knew You Once
My God the Sun
The Windows Bear Your Bones
Reveal Your Crime
Beautiful Girl
Let the Sunrise Come Again
Beautiful Girl
Your Sailor Eyes
The Water In the Well
A Thirst to fill
Let Down Your Arms
The Purging of this Dark
The Fall to Free
Beautiful Girl
Let the Sunrise Come Again
Beautiful Girl
May the Weight of the World Resign
You Will Get Better
Dear Beauty, I know it may sound very presumptuous or as though I have it all figured out (which I certainly do not) but maybe this will help. Don't feel like you need an excuse for your sadness. No one has it together always. This life is harsh and it's easy to get lost even when there is no defined reason to be. I know this place you are at. All we need to do is take a courageous step into the next day and say 'all I can do is try.' and if we fail, we fail. Tomorrow is an opportunity to try again, and maybe succeed .01% more than last time. A success, no matter how small, is still a success. I hope maybe I helped a little. Stay strong beauty. -love and skinnies
ReplyDelete"Sometimes I actually wish that something bad would happen to me so that I could actually be justifiably unhappy." Darling, you have the right to be unhappy without any concrete reason. You are completely justified in your feelings and thoughts, don't let anyone tell you otherwise! I'm really sorry that you seem to be having a frustrating/unhappy day. Just remember that your existence isn't just "normal", you mean so, so much to your friends, family, and me. Your kindness, caring, and amazing personality are completely above average. Thank you for sharing that song, I will listen to it! And thank you for being a beautiful person.
ReplyDelete