Epic Fail!

Geeze! I can't believe it's been practically 3 weeks since my last post...whoops! I moved into an apartment with my stepsis (that's been interesting), so because of all the moving, unpacking, organizing, and cleaning I have been pretty much MIA from the world. But I'm back!! These last 3 weeks have been hell. From moving, working, trying to do all the lovely grown up things, my brain started to implode on itself and my commitment to the gym and my diet went flying out the window, not just flying but like turbo jet powered engine, blasted out the damn window. Even though I've been busting my ass off, I feel like the world's biggest slob. And I quickly realized that this blog is probably my biggest motivator, since no one else is around to bust my ass. So YAY! I'm here and I already feel loads better :)

Ok so the world's most notoriously idiotic and stupid holiday is fast approaching and for all of us single, unfortunate souls we shall be celebrating solo (YAY!...NOT!). Ok don't get me wrong I want a boyfriend and someone to love me for me just as much as the next girl. But, and this is a ginormous BUT, I don't want to be in a relationship. I don't want a guy to touch my disgusting body and feel the rolls of fat that I subject myself to living with. I don't want a guy to see what I see, and love what I hate. I want a guy to be proud to call me his girlfriend, to be able to put his hands on my body and love what he is touching because there aren't any flaws, no fatty rolls. I have to love myself before anyone else can love me. But what if I can never love me for me, will I be alone forever? My stepsis, who I just moved in with, is 5'8'' and weighs about 250 lbs. and she is the most confident woman I seriously have ever met! And I am 100% baffled by it!! I mean how can she walk around with her head held high weighing what she does? How can she allow her boyfriend to kiss her and hug her and hold her knowing that what he is touching is fat? I just don't get it! I know this sounds horribly mean and down right bitchy, and I love my sister with all my heart, but I'm utterly confused by her behavior and the way she carries herself. I wish I had a quarter of the confidence she has; maybe I would be a different person. I guess what I'm trying to say is it takes a special something to find love in yourself and allow someone else to love you for you, and as much as I would love to find it, I'm not ready. Now that I'm in a different place, maybe I'll have more success this time. Here in my apartment I can do what I want without drawing attention to myself. I think I've rambled enough, cheers to new beginnings and loving ourselves. Gym tomorrow bright and early <3 style="text-align: center;">