Fraud

Time is constantly against us. It's something we are always chasing, fighting for more of. There's never enough of it. And yet, we waste it. We waste the living hell out of it. I'm entirely guilty of doing so. I've been looking back through the pages of my life and the one thing that is constant is my incessant desire to be thin and beautiful. And here I sit. I've been through so many ups and downs and I have nothing to show for it. Deadlines were set, goals were made, promises were written, and none of it mattered. I wasted the time that I had. Doing what? I have not the slightest fucking clue.

I can say that, "O this will be the year! I will make this time count and I will reach my goals!" But at the end of the day they are just words. It's the actions that make up the day and the choices made that count. I've made a lot of broken promises, so I'm not making anymore. I'm not setting any goals or posting any deadlines, because that obviously has not yielded any positive results in the past. I'm just going to change my life. I'm so tired of living this lie, showing everybody my brave happy face. They don't know the sickness that lurks beneath my facade. When I am thin, I will truly have something to be happy about. I won't have to hide who I am anymore. I feel like a fraud.