Dream Is Collapsing

 

Insecurities ravage us. They tear us down, demolishing all our hopes and dreams. They tell us we aren't good enough and that we never will be. They mock us while pointing out every imperfection, every flaw. They deprive us of happy endings and love. How can you love someone with all your entirety when you can't even love yourself? 

I've been insecure for as long as I can remember. I can't pinpoint when it all began, the self-loathing and hatred. Every person in the world is insecure about themselves to some generic extent, but what we feel is something entirely different. It cripples us. We aren't even a full person because we are living a half-life. I haven't been alive for quite some time. It's almost like being frozen in place while sitting back and watching everything and everyone move forward with time, while you remain stuck. I hate these insecurities.

The mirror is against me. It seems everytime I stare into it's reflection, what stares back at me keeps becoming uglier and uglier. When I touch my stomach it feels more and more morbid and disgusting. I'm falling to pieces. I think this depression is worsening. I've been able to keep it calm and hidden, deeply buried beneath my wall, but my wall has cracks. They are widening, leaking the icky black waste. My insecurities are eating away at my soul. I'm pushing my friends away and I couldn't care less. History is repeating. Something needs to change...