Turning the Page...

I've really been trying to find myself and what career would be the best fit for me. In Junior High, I wanted to be a lawyer, in High School I wanted to be a surgeon, and during the beginning of my college years I wanted to be a writer. But I'm in a different place in my life and I can't say that being a surgeon or lawyer would be my dream position in life. I still want to be a writer, but like my grandma says, "You need a job to support your hobby." True story. So I really just kind of gave myself a deadline of June to get my shit together and it clicked! I want to study criminal justice and become a homicide detective. It fits everything about me and I just can't shake the excitement I have when thinking about my future with law enforcement!! This career is also going to help steer me away from my eating issues...hopefully. I no longer want to be just skin and bones, I want to be a strong, lean, ass kicking machine :) So this blog is kind of getting a make-over. I'm taking the reins and steering it in a different direction and I honestly couldn't be happier.

Side note: My friends and I went to a Halloween bash last night and I was dressed as the "Um" version of Alice from Tim Burton's version of Alice In Wonderland. I made my costume by hand and without a pattern!! It looked pretty amazing, if I do say so myself. However, the dress showed off one of my least favorite parts of my body: my arms. I have really muscular arms so they stand out and I'm very self-conscious about them. While my friends and I were getting ready, my friend Sarah decides to drop on me that she has invited this Ryan boy to come meet me at the party. I went into full-blown panic mode! I just wanted to throw a brown paper bag over my head and hide in a closet lol. And of course when we get to the party everybody and their mother knows about this blind date. Ryan ended up not showing, which was totally embarrassing and slightly a relief. And everybody was talking about it...arghh! So this girl Amber came up to me in front of everyone and was like, "I can't believe he stood you up, you're so beautiful." And if there is one thing I hate, it's being called beautiful, pretty, hot, etc. She just kept saying it and wouldn't shut up about it and this guy Matt started in with it too and I bolted behind my friend James, using him as my human shield. I was even more embarrassed after the fact, because of how dumb I acted. If I would have just said thank you to Amber, it would not have been made into such a big deal, but the alcohol makes me DUMB! I hate acting like a total moron!

After all this, I am making it my new goal to start fixing myself and to learn to love myself. Maybe people really do see someone beautiful, I only wish that I could believe them. It's a long road to recovery, but I am determined to get off this road and pave my own :)