Sleeping Beauty Is Finally Waking Up...

Saying that I haven't been on in a while would be a complete understatement. I pretty much abandoned the shit out of this blog and any desire I had to become thin and beautiful. I guess I just became so introverted, I literally shut myself off from everything and everyone in my life. I just sort of threw in the towel and said, "I can't do this, this back and forth bullshit! I have no motivation. This is IT! This will be the extent of my shitty existence!"

We have this music/art fest in my neighborhood every year called Elkfest (named after a local pub) and I was down there all 3 days having the time of my life. I didn't give a fuck about my insecurities and my horrible body image, for once! It was so enlightening and freeing just being able to put it aside and enjoy myself and my friends. But then alcohol let my lips slip a little secret that I had a crush on this guy Aaron. Next thing I knew my friends were dragging me towards him in the middle of the crowd. The music became the only thing I could hear as time slowed and my heart began to race. Panic ensued and I couldn't catch my breath as tears quickly came to the present. I took off running, I didn't know where I was going, I just knew that I couldn't face him like this, this ugly disgusting mistake of a human being.

When my friends finally found me I was humiliated and knew that something had to change. I can't settle for this. So here I am basically starting over and I'm pledging myself to this, no matter how long it takes or how depressed and unmotivated I am, I will finish this because I deserve confidence and happiness.

My goals are simple and obtainable. Usually I set some pretty unrealistic goals, giving myself hardly any time or breathing room. I have a vacation coming up around July 21. I want to lose 20 lbs by then. In September I'm going to Hawaii with my bestie and I want to lose 40 more lbs by then. And my final goal is to hit my ultimate weight by November 1. If I like my body at this weight (fingers crossed that I will) then I will go into a maintaining phase. I'm just so sick and tired of being negative all the time and being controlled by my disordered eating habits. This blog is being revamped into one of a positive mood and not a whining self depricating one.

So here's my Work Out Schedule:
     -Mondays: Elliptical 45 minutes & Strength Training 30 minutes
     -Tuesdays: Zumba 1 hour & Strength Training 30 minutes
     -Wednesdays: Elliptical 45 minutes & Strength Training 30 minutes
     -Thursdays: Zumba 1 hour & Treadmill 20 minutes
     -Fridays: Swim laps 1 hour
     -Saturdays: OFF
     -Sundays: Run (1 hour) or bike ride outside (10 miles)

     -Everyday (2X A Day): 100 crunches
                     50 Leg Lifts
                     2 minute Planks
                     25 Oblique exercises
                     50 Squats
                     50 Lunges

Eating To Become Beautiful and Happy:
      -No fast food, junk food, or sweets
      -Eat breakfast everyday no matter what!
      -No food after 6 PM
      -No Binging and Purging
      -Calorie count EVERYTHING!
      -2 servings of lean proteing everyday
      -Green Tea supplements
      -No soda (unless sparkling water that is calorie free)
      -Try to stay low carb the first month

I deserve a happy ending. We all do :)