Absentee

Whoopsie Daisy! And I officially fail at consistently blogging. Sorry to abandon all you guys. This weekend was Labor Day Weekend, the governments excuse to give it's loyal residents (blah) a 3 day weekend. I went to the lake with my (step)sisters, their mom, and their friends of the family, and stayed out there for 2 days. My (step)sister is overweight so I didn't feel too self-conscious when we went out on the boat, but I was still very aware at how disgusting I looked. But I pushed it out of my head and decided to enjoy my weekend. I didn't pig out or gorge, but ate like a normal person. I felt really good this weekend :) and I missed that feeling of being out on the water. It brought back memories of when I was a kid. Every summer, my dad's side of the family would have a reunion (with over 30 of us! lol) and we would rent this huge house boat and my dad and uncle would bring their boats; we would innertube, wakeboard, and ski the entire week. Out of all my childhood, those summers were always the best. I miss those days.

Growing up I was 1 of 2 girls on my dad's side- I was the first girl born in over 60 years! My dad and his 3 brothers were my everything. I wanted to do everything they did, be as strong and adventurous as them. That's why I took pride in my strength and character. My uncles treated me like a princess. My aunt even told me once when I was 13 that I was the center of this family. But then my uncles started having families of their own and it was like I was just pushed aside. I understand that I wasn't being cast aside as some leper, now, but at the time, my mom was divorcing husband number 2 so I was losing him and his family and, to top it off, my uncles were moving on with their lives.

Insecurity+being perturbed+mental anguish+loss of control=bulimia+worthlessness. Fabulous.

Today I ate Chicken Potstickers because I stepped on the scale and was disappointed. But don't worry, I purged those up about 5 minutes afterwards. I feel as though I'm not done purging today. We'll see. This day seems rather blah...

The contents of this post seem very random and pointless. Don't quite know where I was going with these arbitrary thoughts. I'll quit blathering.

A much more focused and attention worthy post is due tomorrow. Again, sorry.